For the past week I've been working on a post that should be quite a doozy, but it isn't quite ready yet (mainly b/c I'm trying to keep it from being a damn novel, y'all gotta be sick of that by now), in any case between birthday shots (last Friday was the big 2-6) and PS3 I came up with a great idea to take its place in the mean time, a live retro diary. Ok, it's not actually my idea, it's more of an idea I'm stealing from one of my fav. sports writers, "The Sports Guy" Bill Simmons (http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=simmons/100519&sportCat=nba) but since this is about a music show and not a basketball game, I'm considering it an original idea. Since I couldn't watch the show and use this thing to give an immediate play by play of the night's festivities, I decided to take notes as I watched the 9pm - 11pm telecast, to post as one long running tagent to go along with the show moment for moment. In other words, it's a running commentary on this years attempt by VH1 to honor hip-hop's often neglected litter brother, the Dirty South. So without further delay, lets get this thang crackin, SHAWTAY!
9:00pm - As much as I love the idea, there are already some major flaws w/ VH1's Hip Hop Honors: Dirty South. 1) Should've probably taken place in ATL (it's in LA). 2) Love Craig Robinson, but a Southern comedian probably should've hosted (he's from The Southside of Chicago though so that I guess should make him a worthy host?)
*SIDENOTE: Do we really need to recognize Luke AND 2 Live Crew? I mean that's like honoring Teddy Riley AND Guy AND Blackstreet.
9:05 - Luke's running through his "pussy poppin' classics". Late 80's scrippas must be havin flash backs.
9:15 - The opening roster says they're honoring Rap-A-Lot Records outta Houston, but no Scarface?
9:20 - Totally forgot Juvenille started out on Rap-A-Lot not Cash Money.
9:21 - Irony levels at an all time high, having the hot new rapper from Toronto, Canada (Drizzy Drake) covering Pimp C's rhymes during Hip-Hop Honors for the SOUTH!
9:23 - Well thank God for these sponsors. I was a little worried this was gonna be paid for by KFC, Jared the Jeweleria and some random auto body shop. Luckily it's mainly just Taco Bell - apparently when VH1 says Dirty South they're not bullshittin'.
9:26 - Jonah Hill introduces Jermaine Dupri; reppin' for all the Bar & Bat Mitzvahs that have blasted "Welcome To Atlanta" over the last 8 years.
9:28 - JD really hasn't aged since he put out Another Bad Creation...DAMN!
9:29 - In his pre-taped interview JD just said he was "better than Def Jam"...yea, OK...Well if Dem Franchise Boys "In My White Tee" was his first signing that really made him feel like it was what the South should sound like? Then what in the blue hell took so long for you to put them out?
9:30 - DFB bouncing around the catwalk of the stage right on top of each other. JD should really tell'em they're not still doin club shows in the A.
9:32 - JD spittin "Money Ain't A Thing" (again Hov is a no show to the event, keepin the streak alive at FOREVER!). That album was trash, but that song is a lifetime classic.
9:34 - Bow Wow performing "Jump" w/ JD. Somehow they're both the exact size of Kriss Kross when that song came out.
9:36 - I know majority of the audience knows Bow Wow better, but wouldn't having Kriss Kross perform "Jump" be even bigger for nostalgia sake?
9:36 - And this is why I love Diddy. Even @ the Hip-Hop Honors: Dirty South he still figures out a way to get himself involved. Can't Stop, Won't Stop!
9:39 - Commercial for Bow Wow's upcoming movie "Lottery Ticket". Looked so good, I'm now actively anticipating his next album.
9:40 - Craig Robinson just cracked a joke on some 3rd runner-up in a Ciara look alike contest & she has NO IDEA.
9:41 - Master P's son Romeo (formerly of Lil fame) just came out to intro the No Limit General. Looks like he's been using the USC gym to get his swole on. Damn shame he didn't work on his jump shot, otherwise he might've been able to stay on the team.
9:43 - "You can't trust a theif, but you can trust a hustler" - Master P. Things that make you go "uuuuuuuuuuhhhh" (na-na na-na)
9:45 - DAMN, TARIJI P. HENSON IS FINE AS HELL!!! (she's presenting)
9:45 - Damn they brought out all the No Limit Soldiers, they even got Mystikal outta jail.
9:47 - Silk the Shocker is killing it on stage & not in a good way. Kinda wish they had Apollo's Sandman appearing.
9:48 - Silk & Trina got a combined 2 minutes on stage so that Gucci Mane could do a song NO ONE in the audience knew. (hilariously sad)
9:50 - MYSTIKAL IS STILL A BEAST!!! Who knew he would've been the saving grace for the Master P set. Someone get that man in a studio, we need a "Shake Yo Ass (part 2)" for the Summer ASAP.
9:52 - While we can all crack jokes about Master P now, no one can front on how dope No Limit was during their run (not even this music snob). Someone get me a tank chain!
9:54 - Craig Robinson just called Brady & Ray-J a "mega-talented duo". More like talent and a half.
9:55 - T.I.'s yellin & reppin' the A like he's about to go do a bid, not like he just came home from one. Damn how do they not have him performing?
9:56 - ATL representers: Gucci Mane, Bone Krusher (yea, I know, pick your jaw up & get that look off your face. I can't explain why they have him performing wither T.I. actually there for you, sorry), Yin Yang Twins (maybe one of the most underrated rap acts from ATL...ok, maybe not underrated, but they can damn sure get you party hype). ATL's line-up tonight should've been Outkast, T.I. and Ludacris - kinda failed there VH1.
10pm - Nelson George is a genius in hip-hop and urban culture, go look him up. He discussed the history of the soul of hip-hop in Atlanta, far more eloquently than any ATL rapper could.
10:02 - Dirty South slang really will confuse the "Wakka Flakka outta you".
10:04 - Timbaland up next. Probably the most deserved of tonight's honorees. Tim said he's too big to be boxed into pop and/or hip-hop genres - CHURCH!
10:05 - Something tells me the Timbaland set is gonna be a bit of a letdown. No fault of his or VH1 but he's got way too many songs, with way too many stars & they just keep showing Missy perform.
10:09 - Behind the Music: Eve, commercial just aired - little premature, wouldn't you say?
10:10 - Bun B doin his part in "Big Pimpin" - still dope.
10:12 - Fab's turn - meh
10:12 - Freestyle Steve on "The Way I Are" - he's not even on the actual song.
10:13 - Keri Hilson singin the hook, pitchy as hell and w/ a bad mic. Luckily she's way too fine for me to care.
10:15 - Turns out Missy's section actually saved the set. "Get Your Freak On" followed by "Work It"? Damn, my seated dancing got me sweating like I was grinding at a basement party.
10:16 - Seriously, enough is enough. Can someone please force Missy & Tim back into a studio together? Hip-hop desperately needs that dynamic duo back and puttin out that fire. Trey Songz is doin what he can to bring VA back post C. Breezy but IDK if he's gonna be enough.
10:21 - Sorry folks, always believed it & it's still true, Kelly looks finer than Beyonce (Kelly's currently on stage along side David Banner - who's crazy enough to think Mississippi still has a chance to make noise in hip-hop)
10:21 - Slim Thug, Paul Wall, Chamillionaire (well at least we know he's still alive) perform to rep Texas. Granted they should've have Bun B. & Scarface come out but all in al TX did their thing. I can't believe it but somehow, Houston put together a better/stronger/smarter line-up than ATL for Hip Hop Honors: DIRTY SOUTH!!! Seriously, who was in charge of the ATL booking?
10:29 - Donald Glover intro'ing 2 Live Crew. Funny dude, dope MC - go look him up: Childish Gambino/MC dj (www.donaldglover.com)
10:30 - I stand corrected on my previous statement, 2 Live Crew may be one of the most necessary & influential acts EVER in hip-hop. Theier fight for free speech in music allows for your favorite artist to do what they do.
10:33 - Not to mention they're the reason I was able to feel up on a girl's booty for the 1st time in the 6th Grade. "WHO DAT, WHO DAT HOOCHIE MAMA?!"
10:35 - 20 years later 2 Live Crew gets rewarded for cussin' & songs about "coochie poppin" while Tipper Gore's marriage crumbles amid rumors of a sex scandal. See what happens when you act like the moral majority, children? God bless America & God bless Hip-Hop.
10:39 - Oh...that's right Craig Robinson's the host, hadn't seen him in like...the whole damn show. Totally forgot, my bad.
10:40 - Damn, either Chilli is REALLY tiny or Lil Wayne's baby is gonna be the size of LeBron, cause Lauren London is stacked (both on stage introducing the next pre-taped interview with Atlanta's Organized Noise).
10:42 - Organized Noise/Dungeon Family is a beast. Outkast, Goodie Mobb, TLC, Cee-Lo, Ludacris - DAMN!!!
10:44 - OH SHIT NELLY LIVES!!! Him & Murphy Lee (dressed like Big Boi circa '98) did Outkast decent justice.
10:45 - Watchin' "POW" makes me really sad Goodie Mobb can't squash their beef.
10:47 - Asher Roth just ran on stage to perform Luda's "Saturday". The entire audience responded by looking around as if they were wondering why the security wasn't running to get the "drunk white kid" off the stage.
10:50 - Watching the Organized Noise set (aka a glorified Outkast concert) again makes me wonder who was in charge of booking the Atlanta acts & how quickly after the 1st rehearsal were they fired.
10:53 - "What ever happens in Miami, never happened" - Craig Robinson finally says something both funny and clever. Not to mention true, I've got a few friends (and their wallets) that wish this were the case.
10:53 - Apparently Trina's really tryin to give up her scrippa past for this new glammed up Diva of hip-hop look - good luck.
10:55 - Once again ATL is gettin' out-rep'd at a celebration for the DIRTY SOUTH (WTF?). Miami brings out Trina, Flo Rida (ok not a top choice but his singles are def more current & popular than any of the ATL's folks), Rick Ross & Mr. "We Da Best" to shut down the show.
10:56 - Damn, DJ Khaled is even out out "hype mannin'" Lil Jon, what is this world coming to.
10:58 - And just for good measure MIA brings out Pitbull to make sure even the light-skinned "I got Puerto Rican in my family" girls were shakin their ass.
11PM - Craig Robinson screams some sort of good night to the crowd to finish off his grueling night of "hosting".
Well thats that, the 6th installment of VH1's Hip Hop Honors has come and gone. And once again, this year's was a bigger disappointment than the year before. It's not for lack of effort but by not having a large number of the acts your honoring actually appearing I'd say it's pretty damn hard for anyone to take it completely serious. It's great in theory but I think it's a little bass ackwards. Maybe Viacom shouldn't host a hip-hop ceremony on their network that didn't start airing videos by black artists until like 8 years ago (just a thought for starters). In any case, it's like what a High School teacher might tell her student; "good effort, nice idea, but you just didn't fully think through the idea." So for next year, I'd suggest this, let the biggest hip-hop radio DJ's produce the show. Thats right Big Boy, Angie Martinez, Funk Master Flex, Ed Lover and whoever blasts the lastest Wakka Flakka Flame in Atlanta and Ace Hood in Miami should have full say over the event from beginning to end. And maybe, just maybe, we'll be able to actually watch the artists record the songs you're honoring actually perform the songs they're being honored for. Again, just an idea, I'm just spitballing. See you next year!
Peace Up, Peace Out
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