Sad But True Trey Songz and I Have Something In Common (Other Than 6-Pac Abs)

I like to think I am an evolved man. Someone who is openly sensitive to the plight and struggle of others (especially other minorities, whether they be based on gender, race, sexual orientation, or enjoyment of "Call Me Maybe" and "Boyfriend" while being straight males over the age of 13). And it is with that, that I am both shocked and a bit saddened at how much I freakin' love Trey Songz's new single "2 Reasons".

Now you may say, "Ken what is there to a shamed about for liking a catchy, up beat, danceable club anthem like '2 Reasons'?" In theory nothing, but it's the actuality that really grinds my gears. I openly consider myself to be somewhat of a lyric snob. One who will analyze and re-analyze the prose of a song gaining just as much enjoyment from their poetry, as I do from knowing that a girl will be able to grind and wind her hind-parts against me with great veracity from its' rhythms. And it is with the snobbishness that I find myself sullen, at my enjoyment of a song whose chorus is no more than a repeat of "Bitches and the Drinks".

Surely I, a refined man of the 21st Century, can't find such great joy in two-stepping to such a misogynistic record? Surely, Trey who came to us initially just "Tryin to Make It" looks for venues that offer more than just these two ambiance builders?

But, then I thought to myself...

"Self, isn't possible that you have had an internal monologue along the lines of 'Sure this bottle of Bud Light cost you $17 dollars, but DAMN!!! Look at all the phat asses in here' or even 'Yes, a good majority of the females in this not so fine establishment look like a cross between Jamie Foxx's Wanda and Martin Lawrence's Shenaynay characters, but these 3 for 1 well drinks, special is off the chain!'" (and yes, my inner monologue still talks like its 2001). Am I too a victim of attending clubs, bars, lounges and other night spopts strictly for the Bitches AND/OR Drinks?

It would appear so.

But as I said, I am a sophisticated man who is both scholar AND gentleman, and will not allow my "Coon Tune" (more on this later) loving innards allow me to debase my feminine counterparts. So, from hence forth I shall treat the chorus of Trey Songz' "2 Reasons" like white kids treat the word "Nigger" in their favorite rap song. Depending on the number of ladies in my vicinity I will either, mumble it under my breath OR change the lyric all together; maybe "Wimminz and the Drinks" or "Females and the Drinks" or how about "Beaches and the Drinks" -- see now its a song about tropical vacations. Nevertheless no longer shall I subject my surroundings to such vulgarities.

Unless of course there's no wimminz around me when it comes on. Then I'm turning that shit up to ignant levels and singin' it at the top of my lungs; cause that record GOES!!!

Peace up! Peace out!

R&B Resurrection

With the release of Usher Raymond's newest (to little or no fan fare) album "Looking 4 Myself", I'm officially putting R&B's obituary one sentence closer to being complete. Let me start by saying that 1) this is NOT an album review (I hate those things, if for no other reason than music is maybe the most objective art forms there is - second only to maybe...art. 2) I actually completely enjoy the album, and think it's his best one as a whole since 2004's Confessions. This is more so about what this album symbolizes, than the actual album itself. And what does this album symbolize, Ken (I'm sure that's what you were just asking yourself)? The unofficial death of the R&B genre.

While Usher's latest presents a quality mix of club and bedroom bangahs, I was hoping that the Euro-dance pixie dust that seemed to be doused on Usher by David Guetta would've officially worn off by now. That maybe, the record's first single "Scream" was just the "last bump" before Usher jumped back into the rehab of "baby making music" for this album. But unfortunately, it doesn't seem to be the case. Even the tracks that carry the strength of a classic R&B vocal melody, are washed over in dub-step style "build and drop" production. Even half the ballads, exist in a world where a double timed back beat holds the track emotionally hostage. And doesn't let the song emote the way former hits like "Burn" and "Confessions" once did.

But it's not just Usher, over the last 5-10 years we've seen the would be kings of Rhythm and Blues give way to the newest production craze of European DJ/Producers filling in for the once oft-used hip-hop producer to create the musical back bone for the likes of our modern urban crooners. Along with Usher's obvious recent transition, Chris Brown went from "Yo" to "Yeah 3x", and Jason Derulo is electro-popping 80's already electro-synth pop as his samples. Even the ones we looked toward continuing to carry the torch once held by Smokey Robinson and Kenneth "Babyface" Edmonds because of their ability to write great R&B records for others have slowly given in to the "dub-side" (slowly cranes neck toward The Dream and Ne-Yo). It's to a point now, where the closest thing we have to an R&B star is Trey Songz, and if you've been payin attention to him lately, he thinks he's a damn rapper now.

Sidenote: REALLY?!? You're gonna start callin' yourself Trigger Trey? Really? Trigger? Man...go sit yo' "LOL :)" ass down somewhere.

So what do we do now? R&B seems to be drafting its last will & testament, and calling for a priest to read him his last rights. Well I was always taught that you don't bring up a problem with already having solutions handy; so lets look at some positives. For what its worth there are a few cuts off the new Usher record that fit right in line with what you'd expect from the old pre-cougar stylist marrying, post-cougar R&B group member dating Usher; "Twisted" a funky 60's inspired dance number featuring Pharrell that sounds like something that didn't make the final track listing for the last Raphael Saadiq album; as well as "Dive" which sounds like it's the missing back end to Raymond vs Raymond's "There Goes My Baby". So it's possible, depending on how this album is received, that Usher is still willing and able to provide his "Yeah" loving masses some of that R&B fiyah.

Then of course there are the artists out there (male and female) that still fight the good fight. Artists like Jill Scott, Musiq Soulchild, Robin Thicke, Raheem DeVaugn, Anthony Hamilton, Alicia Keys and John Legend that still put in the work to keep R&B relevant beyond a the select group of afro and dread heads that occupy Philly, Harlem and Chicago. But realistically (read: skeptically) those artists more often than not get grouped in as "soul artists" and no matter what rapper(s) they align themselves with they'll never reach the popularity of the artists I mentioned at the beginning.

Hell, I'm thinking maybe we are doomed. I mean not even Brian McKnight's "adult mixtape" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VbVQZqCjoOs)could bring folks back around.(BTW let's be honest, that song still sounds dope. He changes the word "pussy" to "love" its played every night on The Quiet Storm NIGHTLY). But then again, maybe there is one last hope. One final act of desperation us classic R&B fans can cling to. Maybe we still have the ability to reach back and pull off one last Flutie-esque musical hail mary. And what can this final saving grace be? Who can be R&B's Gregory House, who figures out that what had always been assumed to be a fatal case of sarcoidosis is in fact just a random strain of gonorrhea that can be cleared up with a simple case of rare Brazilian penicillin? It'd be the same man that started this slow death that took us from the singing gangsters of the late 90's to the Diplo derived world we live in today. The one. The only. Robert Kelly!!!

Now that he's no longer trapped in that damn closet, and stopped wearing those damn Zorro masks maybe, just maybe, he'll come back to us. We need it. I NEED IT!!! I can no longer just listen to Boyz II Men "On Bended Knee" and their covers of "Misty Blue" and "I Can't Make You Love Me" records for sustenance (by the way their cover album Love is so good its just fucked up. The harmonies they employ on their cover Goo Goo Dolls' "Iris" is so evil toward Johnny Resnik; its essentially the vocal equivalent of porn star Lexington Steele jerking off in front of you and your girl, not because he's horny and can't get any, but simply because he wants to show you, and your girl, that his dick really is that big -- yea THAT disrespectfully good).

So there in lies R&B final hope for resurrection. An artist with R.'s clout with both top 40 pop and urban radio that can give us the next "Ignition" or "Bump and Grind" or "Contagious". Somebody, go get Ronald Isley on the phone, tell'em we'll let him call himself Mr. Bigg again if we'll get another in the Twelve Play series. Hell I'll even go buy him a bunch of Zorro masks if that's what he needs to give us another Chocolate Factory; otherwise, all future baby making is doomed. Help us R. Kelly, you're our only hope! (Princess Leia voice)

Good to be back America!

Peace up! Peace out!