I figured it best that my first entry be about the rant that eventually led to friends begging me to start a blog rather than annoy the hell out of them, The Super Bowl Half-Time Show. This may seem late as hell to some, a bit early for others then again for the few die hards who pitch a bit of a tent at the mere mention of the word "mini-camp" this may feel right on time. Last year's half time show might have starred the most perfect possible band, The Who. This is because I'm sure a good chunk of the football loving and Super Bowl watching public were wondering "WHO...in the blue hell are these old white guys?"
Since "NippleGate" from 2004's Super Bowl half-time show involving Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake, the powers that be (CBS, the NFL, Super Bowl sponsors and of course our fine friends at the FCC) have decided that a partially exposed titty is the true gateway drug to lead America's youth into a society of absolute corruption and depravity. Since that fateful night the American public has been subject to the only safe "popular" music deemed worthy to play the hallowed 20 min gig, rock played by artists old enough to be the grandfather of the majority of the guys actually playing in the game. Since '04 the following Hall of Fame greats have graced the 50-yard line at the Super Bowl: Paul McCartney (2005), The Rolling Stones (2006), Prince (2007), Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers (2008), Bruce Springstein & The E-Street Band (2009) and The Who (2010). The average age of this list of rock Gods (using Jagger and Daltrey specifically) - 62!!! I get that a huge influence on the half time show is the almighty dollar and subsequently who controls it, but aren't we already reaching out to the middle aged man enough with every other ad being for erectile disfunction? CAN'T US YOUNG GUYS GET SOME LOVE?!?
Now I'm not suggesting we give the spot to Soulja Boy and Justin Beiber (God knows I'm not sayin that) but can't we skew the demographic down just a tad? Now I'm not one to just bitch about something, I'm a solutions oriented individual. So lets look at some possible options:
- First look toward the unofficial official hip-hop ambassador to white America (no...not Will Smith), Jay-Z. CBS already used him to intro their telecast for last years game so we know he's network friendly. He's got enough celebrity (and yes even presidential) cred along with his own business ventures that we know his show wouldn't be anything that could cost him his current social status. And to top it all off, my mom can even spit some of his lyrics, and I think we'd all agree, if a rapper passes the Mom test, he's damn sure solid enough for live television.
- Let's also take into account the big pink elephant in the room, "urban music" still scares some of middle America, so lets work with that. I'm gonna say it...you ready...you sure...COUNTRY!!! For starters SB XLV is taking place in Dallas (if you happen to know anyone who has anything to do with this selection process and they haven't already thought about this feel free to slap the shit outta them). Two, while everyone may claim to hate the music there isn't a man, woman or child alive who doesn't scream out "I'LL TELL YOU AGAIN YOU SON-OF-A-BITCH, I'M THE BEST THERE'S EVER BEEN" when listening to "Devil Went Down to Georgia"; or scream out every word to "Friends In Low Places", after having been "over served" (don't let your kids drink thats just wrong). And is there anyone who doesn't over indulge in beer, booze, and/or "basting" on the most Holy of Sundays in the all American religion of pro football? So lets go get Carrie Underwood, Rascal Flatts, Keith Urban, Lady Antebellum, The Zac Brown Band, Darius Rucker (for the Brothas), and Taylor Swift and throw one big ass country review. Turn "Jerry World" into a big ass cowboy bootin'-scootin', 10-gallon hat wearin hoedown the likes of which haven't been seen since Garth Brooks took over Central Park in the mid-90's.
- Last, and maybe the most realistic and possible, The Black Eyed Peas. I know, we're all sick of them, but at this point I figure they've nearly completely "jumped the shark" to the point where I think any of us would be surprised to hear they're giving up recording new music to put on a nightly review in Vegas (actually the only thing about this idea that would shock me is that Will.I.Am & Fergie would continue to agree to split a check with the other two). They may be the most universally recognized and accepted act in hip-pop music today (for Christ sakes, they threw "Mazel Tov" into a rap song and no one busted their balls for it), I'm pretty sure they only have one more year together as a group anyway (see reason they wouldn't agree to a long term gig in Vegas), and I'd like to see Taboo (the one that looks like he's desperately waiting for someone to film a sequel to "Last Of The Mohicans") have a chance to be the greatest glorified hype-man since Flava Flav, one more time on a major stage.
End of the day, I'm just sick of seeing the same OLD line-up wheeled out there for me to ingest, with minimal excitement and a heavy heart to watch once great artists/musicians try to relive their glory days. The saddest part being that these guys were at one point the face of anti-establishment and rebellion. Now their the mascots for the non-bladder controling, boner pill popping, Dockers and the "I'm still hip" leather jacket grown folk masses. It's time we as a music and football loving public stop being a slave to Janet's beautiful brown titty. Otherwise we'll be getting amp'd for the AARP Super Bowl XLV half-time show featuring Tony Bennett and Wayne Newton.
Peace Up, Peace Out
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